Now’s the time to have some big ideas. Now’s the time to make some firm decisions. We saw the Buddha in a bar down south, talking politics and nuclear fission. We see him and he’s all washed up — moving on into the body of a beetle. Getting ready for a long, long crawl. He ain’t nothing. He ain’t nothing at all. – Shriekback
For a moment there, I forgot who I was.
Chaos theory holds that the pendulum of phenomenal occurrence swings both ways, sometimes in a positive direction, other times towards darker situations and events. Expecting to achieve a static, balanced fulcrum is ego whistling in the dark.
This is just the condition in which we find ourselves. I have intellectually embraced this existential fact and admonished others to do the same, the implication being that such acceptance is for one’s own good. I go with the stream, never resisting the bursts of momentary doubt and fear, and send out an invitation for others to join me in the gentle current. I invite all to let go of their life preservers and trust the wisdom behind the stream’s ever-shifting peregrinations.
Except I had never let go of mine. And when the pendulum slammed unexpectedly into the shadows, I grasped at its illusory safety with all of my might. “Why is this happening to me?” I screamed impotently into the abyss, where my words were seemingly lost until an unseen hand swatted them back with the return thrust of a boomerang. That metaphorical hand was the reaction of the dark matter in my psychic universe, recently unaccustomed to absorbing egoic self-pity and thus regurgitating the foreign agent back to its point of origin. “What the hell is this? Turn it into something I can use before tossing it back into my sanctuary,” is an approximation of the message I received loud and clear from that hazy realm where wisdom resides.
That mysterious realm of wisdom does not belong to me or you. All messages originating therefrom are directed at the Universal Consciousness, which is also their source. It’s god’s echo chamber and we are merely its sonic vibrations.
In raging against the stream, I awoke the sleeping giant of delusion. Chaos became a personal affront; an injustice in the sand castle kingdom of misguided ideals. The dignity of being and calling forth the qualities of the resting Godhead seemed suddenly beneath me and incompatible with my ego’s well-deserved temper tantrum.
For a moment there, I forgot who I was.
My reactions were those of a solid, inherent entity; a tiny conscious island in an infinite heartless ocean. For a few days – just another measure of the eternal moment – “I” was ascendant with all of its attendant phantasms. A relapse into the addiction of self-importance at the necessary expense of Self-importance. Like visiting a prison from which I’d recently escaped to gawk at the current group of inmates and daring them to pull me back in, a request they happily obliged.
But the psychic dark matter direct from the mind of Brahman can be a silent and compassionate bail bondsman. It has the power to direct each and every one of us back to our true boundless home where no one has a name or a face. It reminds us that We are It and It is Us and All is Us and We are All and no one is any one apart from the only One.
Unity does not compare, so it knows not of injustice. When Unity dances into multiplicity, the temporary satellites of the Godhead become confused and forget about the invisible tendrils connecting them irrevocably to their fountainhead. Sooner or later, all energy returns to its source. But with clear vision, each of us might have a much easier time of it while we await reunification in some non-existent future. It allays frustration and gives us something to hope for while we try to remember that there’s nothing to hope for because we’ve been nothing other than that Unity all along.
For a moment there, I forgot who I was. And it was beautiful. No one gets an opportunity to reclaim the throne of a deity until becoming vulnerable enough to lose one’s shit as a human. When we swear and pray in equal measure, we literally create the Cosmos.