Apparently, Dennis Rodman was a guest on Good Morning Britain today. I live in the U.S. and since I’ve never even watched a single episode of Good Morning America, it stands to reason that I have no direct knowledge of what sounds to my ears like the UK equivalent of a national A.M. broadcast featuring two smiling idiots kissing washed-up celebrity ass. The article from which I obtained the scant information needed to compose this post referred to one of the show’s hosts as “Piers” and if it’s the one I’m thinking of, then I can state authoritatively that GMB is even more of a pointless shitfest than its counterpart across the pond.
I apologize for that digression and return us to the topic at hand. Apparently, Dennis Rodman was a guest on Good Morning Britain today. I am assuming that everyone reading this is aware of Rodman’s bizarre man-crush on North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. If that’s an inaccurate assumption, here’s all you really need to know: former NBA player and Madonna boy-toy Dennis Rodman has a bizarre man-crush on North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. And this morning, he wanted to dispel some misinformation among the hausfraus and tenement squatters of the United Kingdom. I’m sure what he had to say will be of great international interest, so rather than paraphrase and risk losing all the nuance of his statements, I cede the floor to Mr. Rodman:
“To me, in person, without all the things that have gone on on TV and potentially a war or something like that, if you see him just sit at a table, he’s just like everybody else. He’s always laughing, smiling, talking to his people — that’s it.”
“I understand how he’s a dictator to his people and he tries to be a madman, but I’ve never seen anything like this in the world…I’ve been around the world so many times. If it’s good or bad, I’ve never seen anyone in my life have that much power.”
“I think if the president even tries to reach out for Kim, I think it will be a great possibility. Things can happen if Donald Trump, if they sit down, and have some type of mutual conversation. It don’t have to be like a friendship type of conversation, just a mutual conversation saying, ‘Hi, I would love to engage in some words and politics and over the history of your country and my country and just try to start some dialogue.’ I think that’ll open up maybe the door just a little bit.”
“You know as well as I do, Donald can be a little crazy sometimes. Donald Trump’s attitude is he loves to be cocky, he loves to be the boss, he loves to be the man. I love Donald Trump. I thank Donald Trump for giving me the opportunity to be on his show, an opportunity to be his friend and an opportunity to be an American, but I just think that one day, just one day, if someone can reach out, if Donald can say, ‘You know what? Maybe I will try to do something instead of everyone fighting against each other.’ I understand the history. I just wish one day somebody could say, ‘OK.'”
Phew! Who knew that Dennis had such an exhaustive understanding of world history and political diplomacy? Force of habit has me racking my brain for some final witticisms to end this post with a bang, but what else could I possibly add? No need to jump the shark here. This just serves as further proof of a depressing point I recently made: a world that satirizes itself as consistently as the one we find ourselves in today has no further use for comedians.