Comments Without Context

stew

I must confess to a shameful habit: I like to post anonymous comments beneath news articles and political editorials on Yahoo in a juvenile attempt to get a rise out of other idiots that do the same thing.  It’s a stupid, pointless and immature way to pass the time, I know, but sometimes I just can’t help myself after taking in just one or two of the other commenters’ barely literate, ignorant, ALL-CAPITAL-LETTER polemics.

Today has been a particularly slow work day, so I’d like to re-print here all of the comments I’ve posted to Yahoo News since I arrived at the office this morning.  I’m not displaying them because they’re well-reasoned (they’re not) or because they’re well-written (they’re not), but because I think just showing them without the article or reader comment that prompted them might be funny.  It will also prevent me from making more such comments for the next ten minutes or so as I finish this blog post.  Here they are:

  • Oh, such courageous displays of patriotism here in the comment section, it’s enough to make me want to go goose-stepping through the streets. “I stand for my flag!” is not a brave statement or an admirable statement or even a good statement. It tells me, in no uncertain terms, that you have no worth as a human being unless you align yourself with a piece of cloth no matter WHAT that piece of cloth comes to symbolize over time — racism, authoritarianism, corporate greed, it’s all good as long as it’s ‘Merica, right?
  • You better wish there’s no such place as hell, you bloviating moron, because the hell of Christian mythology was tailor-made for people like you.
  • I thought you were fantastic in the movie Deliverance, Randy. Still got that banjo?
  • Guess what, Bill? I’m white and I’d prefer it if white people would finally stop calling the shots, too. You know why? Because of heartless, dishonest, racist idiots like you — the kind that always seem to get voted into high office by other cowardly white people who somehow think they are victims of the very people they routinely victimize.
  • I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul ’cause I think you’re dumber than a big fat diabetic box of rocks, Charlie.
  • Yesterday, in a comment on a different article, I dared to question the author’s assertion that US citizens still have “the greatest liberty and freedom in the world”. I got about 30 thumbs downs and some typical barbs about me “hating my country”. That attitude which refuses to see reality in favor of the “greatest country in the world” myth is precisely why “programs” like this that are clear fascism are still in place and probably will be for as long as this country is still a country.
  • Nope, sorry. You do not get to redefine the word “fascist” just because it is becoming more and more applicable to you and your conservative ilk.
  • John Belushi’s ghost just appeared to me and instructed me to tell you that if you don’t stop sullying his name with your idiotic backwards “patriotism”, he will have to come back to haunt you to death.
  • This is the predictable reaction of inbred flag humpers who do not understand that peaceful protest is the antithesis of “hating America”, it is the very thing the country was founded upon…until so many backwoods idiots reproduced and overtook the portion of the population that can read.
  • Tonight on Fox News, we have a wonderful panel of guests who are doing their part to get the country back on the right track! We’ll be speaking with a prominent sexual predator, a white supremacist, an Alabama senator who is trying to make homosexuality a capital offense in his state in a selfless defense of his constituents’ religious liberty, a political operative who ensured the victory of our savior Donald Trump by risking his very career working with Russia to rig the election, and a member of Betsy DeVos’ Education Department who wants to reduce class sizes by arranging them according to the students’ skin tone. Stay tuned for these and more American heroes that only Fox News has the heart and courage to honor!

Now that you’ve suffered through that nonsense, here’s what The Onion has to say about those who indulge in this questionable pastime:  Local Idiot To Post Comment On Internet

 

14 thoughts on “Comments Without Context

  1. I think The Onion was berating the people you yourself berate, and less so people who comment in general. This was hilarious to read, and I must disagree: they’re both very well-written and well-reasoned. This was better than anything I’ve read in a long time.

    Liked by 1 person

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