Creepy Kids

What’s worse than a creepy kid?


For reasons that befuddle me, during my many travels through online vintage ads, I have noticed a trend. Advertisers really loved using freaky little gargoyles to sell their wares.

For example, here’s this naughty little scamp…


Mother, fetch me my fava beans…

He looks like Hannibal Lecter’s grandson, doesn’t he? Jodie Foster is his godmother and they all go on picnics together. In a graveyard.


I’m gonna love it, and kiss it and turn it into stool.


She kind of reminds me of Cindy Brady, except for that maniacal look on her face. Those curly pigtails look so innocent, but if you mess with her jelly bread, she will fucking gnaw you to death with those square little teeth.


Stop me before I kill again!!


It looks like little Ruthie just committed mass murder in her playroom with clothing dye. Very clever.

Poor mom, she has a future serial killer sleeping under her roof.

Sleep with one eye open, gripping your pillow tight, lady.


You are getting sleepy….now take these green beans and stick them up your ass.


No, seriously. Look into this kids eyes for a minute.

I just had the desire to call up The Jolly Green Giant and finally admit that I’ve always found him extremely attractive.

It would probably be a healthy relationship, I mean, he eats his vegetables like a big boy.


Either I just shit my diaper or I want to kill you.


That baby is adorable, but she looks a little unstable if you ask me. She just might try to shank me with that spoon.

We’re cool, scary baby. I don’t want any problems, I don’t even like Campbell’s soup, I’m more of a Progresso kind of gal.

This last one isn’t an ad, but a vintage postcard, which is somewhat of a hobby of mine, meaning that I used to collect them.


Eek, eek!!


Imagine being the recipient of this vintage Valentine’s Day card.

Remember you? I’m gonna need a whole bottle of wine and a blunt just to forget you, you freaky little brat!

So, who’s hungry and in the mood for romance right about now?

16 thoughts on “Creepy Kids

  1. Haha! That was great!

    I have to believe that most of them were created with great innocence of heart. Except #3. Whoever designed #3 knew exactly what they were doing.

    Regardless, they will all wake me up at three tomorrow morning. Thank you for that. 😉


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