Sloshed

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could find a way to skip the awkward getting to know you part of going steady and jump ahead to the good stuff?

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Gee, I really like Patty, but how can I get her to let me into her pantaloons faster?

For starters, try not to hog the entire chocolate malt, Ted!

According to a study from the Institute of Human Depravity, the more intoxicated you become, the more attractive the opposite sex becomes. Alcohol is well-known for lowering a person’s standards, while also removing inhibitions and replacing them with questionable behavior.

 

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I don’t have time for this Mickey Mouse bullshit.

We know that your time is valuable, Dennis.

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I just hate the taste of alcohol, but I love how easy I am when I’m drunk.

Yes, we’ve heard all of those nasty rumours, Laura.

But thanks to burgeoning technology, now there is a simpler way to be a floozy.

From the makers of Narc-B-Gone™ and Belch-in-a-Can™, you’ll be skipping to the sex-craved drunkenness part without even having to take one sip of alcohol!

Introducing Sloshed™!

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*Sloshed has not been approved by anyone official sounding, so just take our word for it.

That’s right! No more having to wait while you watch your best gal slowly consume shot after shot of tequila.

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Tell me more.

This will blow your fucking necktie off, Ned!

If you buy now, we’ll double your order of this amazing new product, just pay extra shipping and handling, plus a signed waiver of liability.

 

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Will it work for me?

We’re sorry for the inconvenience, Carol, but we are unable to accept refunds at this time.

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Thanks to Sloshed, I now spend less time swinging and more time ringing her bell!

That’s what we like to hear, Arthur!

Sloshed is also safe for the environment.

27 thoughts on “Sloshed

  1. Not only was this funny, but I think you figured out the answer to why I’ve been largely disinterested in dating for approximately six years now: I quit drinking approximately six years ago. So not only do I no longer possess a pair of beer goggles, but I am always painfully aware of all of the future implications inherent at the start of any romantic situation and it never seems worth it.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Now Paul..a) beer goggles aren’t always necessary, and b) how the hell are you ever going to find something that is worth it with that approach?!!!
      Note: you can tell me to fuck off if you want. My approach hasn’t seemed to disprove yours thus far, post-divorce anyway. Still can’t seem to shake the whole hopeless romantic thing, though. Whether this is a blessing or a curse has yet to be determined….

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I would never tell you to fuck off, Brooke. There is no right or wrong view of this subject. These days, I seem to be a hopeless romantic about absolutely everything except for romance. I think when I look back at my personal history, I just feel like I’ve already done it to death, and to no avail, so I’ve become kind of disinterested. I’m also not sure if dating would be even remotely compatible with my spiritual practice. Well, maybe I am sure: it wouldn’t.

        Liked by 1 person

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