Wouldn’t it be nice if you could find a way to skip the awkward getting to know you part of going steady and jump ahead to the good stuff?
For starters, try not to hog the entire chocolate malt, Ted!
According to a study from the Institute of Human Depravity, the more intoxicated you become, the more attractive the opposite sex becomes. Alcohol is well-known for lowering a person’s standards, while also removing inhibitions and replacing them with questionable behavior.
We know that your time is valuable, Dennis.
Yes, we’ve heard all of those nasty rumours, Laura.
But thanks to burgeoning technology, now there is a simpler way to be a floozy.
From the makers of Narc-B-Gone™ and Belch-in-a-Can™, you’ll be skipping to the sex-craved drunkenness part without even having to take one sip of alcohol!
That’s right! No more having to wait while you watch your best gal slowly consume shot after shot of tequila.
This will blow your fucking necktie off, Ned!
If you buy now, we’ll double your order of this amazing new product, just pay extra shipping and handling, plus a signed waiver of liability.
We’re sorry for the inconvenience, Carol, but we are unable to accept refunds at this time.
That’s what we like to hear, Arthur!
Sloshed is also safe for the environment.