Friday Funhouse 10: Your New Favorite Singer

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Bienvenido de vuelta a La Casa De Atracciones!

Today I’ve got a special treat for all you music lovers out there.  I’m about to introduce you to your new favorite singer: Jan Terri.  Though I consider myself somewhat of a wordsmith, I find I am at a loss when it comes to adequately describing the musical phenomenon you are about to experience just mere moments from now.  So I’ll let the bio from her IMDB page tell the story:

Endearingly bad amateur Italian-American singer/songwriter Jan Terri was born on June 17 in Chicago, Illinois. Short (5′ 1″), plain, and dumpy, with a gratingly nasal off-key voice and a strangely engaging abrasive, yet earnest persona, Jan possesses a certain lovably ham-fisted charm that makes her essentially the latter-day equivalent to notorious 60’s freak celebrity old lady singer Mrs. Miller. She grew up in the Chicago suburb of Franklin Park. Terri was in a jug band with her mother while her father used to perform in local bars in blackface as the “Black Elvis.” After earning a B.A. in Broadcast Communications and a Management Certificate for Sound Engineering from Columbia College in 1983, Jan became a back-up singer for the country band The Windy City Cowboys. Alas, Terri was forced to put her musical career on hold because of family problems. She worked as an assistant manager at Montgomery Ward’s and eventually got a job as a limousine driver in 1992. Jan started recording her own uproariously awful songs and making hilariously crude music videos of said songs. Moreover, Terri gave out VHS tapes of her videos to various clients at the limousine service in order to further her musical career. Jan befriended advertising executive Jim Thompson, who in turn gave her press kit to legendary shock rocker Marilyn Manson. Manson was so impressed with Terri’s sweetly naive lyrics and winningly inept, yet heartfelt enthusiasm that he had her sing at a birthday show for his then girlfriend Rose McGowan on September 5, 1998. Jan subsequently was the opening act for Manson for a handful of concerts he did in Chicago from 1998 to 1999. In 2000 Terri appeared as herself on an episode of “The Daily Show.” Her simply astonishing low-rent music videos for her gloriously ghastly songs “Baby Blues,” “Losing You,” “Rock and Roll Santa,” “Get Down Goblin,” “Journey to Mars,” and “My Little Brother” are all available to be seen for free on YouTube and have thus enabled Jan to amass a sizable and well-deserved avid cult following.

I’m sure you will be spending an inordinate of time in the upcoming days watching her many wonderful videos so for now, here’s a small taste of her brilliance:

 

14 thoughts on “Friday Funhouse 10: Your New Favorite Singer

    1. Couple things: 1. If you were in a coma, you could write a better song than this; 2. Even the chorus is utter nonsense. When did Hell relocate to the sky? She clearly doesn’t understand the meaning of putting something to shame – she actually implied that his love is infinitely better than hers; 3. If your online bio contains the phrase “ham-fisted” and you just keep on doing what you do, is that admirable or stupid?; 4. If her dog had taken a dump on the sidewalk while they were filming, I bet she would have just kept that in there. She kept the part where it was humping her leg, so why not?; 5. Go watch the rest of her videos. If you’re feeling Halloweeny, “Get Down Goblin” will do the trick.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. So, ages and ages ago I used to frequent a mom’s chat group and one of the women in there used to post Jan Terri videos to piss us off/crack us up. It has been way too long since I’ve had a Jan Terri fix. So, thank you for this. Best laugh I’ve had all week.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I haven’t heard lyrics this ludicrous since Ratt. I’m pretty sure “Skyrocket to Hell” was the flip side of “Way Cool Jr” in 1988…

    Just kidding. I like Ratt.

    This was Lita Ford bad.

    But, I’ll never get that song out of my head now. Ever. And I’m watching more Jan Terri videos. The essence of entertainment, and Funhouse Friday, is the indelible impression they make on our synapses. If that’s the case, you and Jan have succeeded again, today, in expanding our neuronic core.

    Who can ask for more?

    Have a great weekend, Paul!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lita Ford bad! You have just created a perfect term for this level of awfulness. Who can forget her touching ode that began with the words, “I went to a party on a Saturday night. I didn’t get laid, I started a fight. Uh huh”?

      Liked by 1 person

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