Annually, the Catholic Church observes six Holy Days of Obligation, in addition to 52 Sundays on which practicing Catholics are obliged to attend Mass, bringing the grand total to 58 days per year on which the Pontiff-led faithful find themselves spectators to a bizarre transmogrification ceremony that culminates in a cannibalistic feeding frenzy whose main course is the flesh of their Messiah.
In stark contrast, the Church of Curmudgeon only recognizes one Holy Day of Obligation in any given calendar year and that day is today, the Solemn Feast of November 13th. Most of you are probably unaware of the significance of this holy observance and that’s okay. We’re all about forgiveness here and the only thing that matters is that you are here right now to join in this blessed celebration. All you need to do to be considered in good standing with the Church is watch this short video explaining the mystical origins of this most sacred of days: