Alabama

roy-moore

Big wheels keep on turning.  Carry me home to see my kin.  Singing songs about the Southland.  I miss ole ‘Bamy once again and I think it’s a sin. – Lynyrd Skynyrd

Alabama continues to distinguish itself as America’s genital wart.  This week’s crescendo of angry drawls raised in defense of a disgusting caricature of a Deep South judge with a predilection for girls that are too young to understand why it’s ridiculous for a grown man to wear a cowboy hat in the course of his political duties just leaves me dumbstruck.

I’m not going to use this post to vent my frustration and disgust about this situation because countless others have already done so.  Instead, I decided that I wanted to scour the web for something — anything — positive about this puzzling backwater haven of incestuous bible-thumpers.  As I’m sure you can imagine, it was quite an exhaustive search but it was not in vain.  So in the interest of doing a little damage-control for the image of the state that “dares defend its rights”, I give you this, the most wonderful thing ever produced in The Heart of Dixie:

8 thoughts on “Alabama

  1. Your mind exists on a higher plane than…I’d like to say the rest of us…but I’ll be humble and drill it down to just…mine. “America’s genital wart.” Perfect, and comedic at the same time.
    “… it’s ridiculous for a grown man to wear a cowboy hat in the course of his political duties just leaves me dumbstruck.”
    I’ve often wondered why crowds just don’t break out in laughter when he walks on stage wearing that stupid-ass hat, but since they don’t, I figured there must be something wrong with me!
    “…this puzzling backwater haven of incestuous bible-thumpers.” This just describes the area perfectly. Which gets to the point of my reply: you wrote only 2 paragraphs, and I imagine for you it didn’t take much time at all…but If I tried to dig into this political pedophiliac, I would have stared at the blank page all day and would have been incapable at rising to your level of wit. (I thought just saying “Brilliant!” on this reply was a bite lame.) So, in conclusion, your mind is an incredible thing to waste on WordPress. Just sayin.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Your praise is both humbling and genuinely appreciated, George! But if you want to know the “process” involved in composing this, perhaps Seth McFarlane deserves more credit than I. While staring at my laptop, I had The Cleveland Show on in the background and they did a spoof of the Mini-Mall commercial with Cleveland duplicating that rap and dance. So I went to Youtube and found the original that they were spoofing just as the station on the TV went into a news break discussing the Roy Moore scandal. When I realized that the original Mini-Mall commercial was filmed in Montgomery, AL, I simply put these 2 unrelated things together and took some pains to make them seem related.

      Liked by 1 person

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