Friday Funhouse 19: On The Origin Of Species


My apologies for last week’s unannounced Funhouse closure, Dear Readers. I was working through a personal crisis and as is often the case in such situations, I forgot that I had a sense of humor for a spell. Crisis averted, I have come to the conclusion that the most tragic and self-defeating thing anyone can do is forget that everything is funny.

Last night, I was flipping between MSNBC’s coverage of the White House Freak Show and a PBS documentary about a colony of Japanese snow monkeys. The juxtaposition of these broadcasts got me thinking about the curiously non-linear course of biological evolution.  In T***p Land, of course, human liver spot Steve Bannon’s inflammatory statements published in the latest expose on this absurd administration incited a Twitter riot unrivaled by the most violent of territorial disputes amongst chimps or bonobos. The volleys of invective between T***p and his former Neo-Nazi man-crush distinguished themselves from similar offensives launched by our forest dwelling primate cousins only insofar as they didn’t involve actual handfuls of shit. Yet, it is the unfortunate task of American journalists to describe all of this insanity in the language of political science. This is tantamount to writing a Master’s thesis about the linguistic nuance and pithy wisdom contained in “The Cat In The Hat” or “The Art of The Deal”.

The documentary about the snow monkeys was replete with impressive footage of the society, relationships and daily lives of these fascinating animals. They displayed a complex social life as well as ingenious methods of cooperative problem solving and enormous emotional intelligence. I flipped back to MSNBC and as I watched footage of T***p working his flabby jowls as he struggled to read a document on his desk, I realized that natural selection is in no way ubiquitous to a species. Some snow monkeys have obviously evolved far more rapidly than 33% of the human population of the U.S. has.

So we have entered year 2 of our Chimp-in-Chief’s stranglehold on sense and sensibility and things are just getting weirder and weirder. Sure, mass destruction may be imminent, but why worry about events that haven’t happened yet? We are living through the most sensational farce in the history of mankind and if we were smart, we would embrace it for the uproarious comedy that it is. If the world is going up in flames, we might as well go out laughing.

Why do you look so serious? Stop that.  It’s a bad look for you.  Here’s a classic moment from Dr. Katz: Professional Therapist to help you painlessly extract that stick from your ass:

13 thoughts on “Friday Funhouse 19: On The Origin Of Species

  1. The question of how species came into being, and whether they could evolve (and why the hell not), has always been intriguing, be it scientifically, politically or theologically,. Darwin himself wrestled with the problem for more than 20 years. Then one day, we finally sat down and wrote a paper outlining the empirical evidence for evolution and sketching out a mechanism by which it might occur, yes, natural selection. Yet, he didn’t publish it for a very long time partly because he was unsatisfied with his arguments. So, I’m thinking, he must have known at least one T***p, and looking at him day in day out, he couldn’t help but wonder – How. It can’t be. Then, looking closer again. Head shaking. Nooo fucking way.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Just before midnight, on New Year’s Eve, I turned to my wife and said “I’m afraid the Desert Curmudgeon has lost his sense of humor.”

    Honestly. I might have. I don’t remember much about what I was doing just around midnight on NYE, so that’s as plausible a thing to have happened as any, because I was concerned about you after your talk of crisis. I had full faith then that you would solve your crisis (you seem the type to do so) and that you would find your mirth again (you seem the type to do so).

    I have been listening with half-interest to the Bannon/Trump war, which I predicted and then wondered aloud why it wasn’t occurring yet. So much dumb has happened in the last year, though, that another moment of dumb feels almost uninteresting. Plus, some guy around the 30th or so wrote a piece about “why we should all stop paying attention to the news in 2018” and, even though the headline was all I read, I took it to heart.

    While you were losing your mirth I was losing my political interest.

    It’s coming back. I will find the political will to pay attention again. I am the type to do so.

    But, in the meantime, I will sit back and enjoy my half-silence from political drama and watch the Rams in the playoffs, and laugh at the weekly Funhouse and see if things don’t look just a bit better from the outside.

    Thanks for sharing, Paul, and for returning to us, seemingly entirely unscathed. 🙂

    (and, hopefully, reasonably high. 😉 )

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, Tom! I think that ignoring the news would only be necessary for those who can’t get themselves to understand how hilarious it is. For the rest of us, it should become the ultimate sitcom. It’s just a matter of perspective.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Drumpf + (A)Bannon(ed) = a planned heist of the news media. Never forget Wags the Dog.

    “Steve, we need, we, uh, need a distraction. Something great, something yuge to take the peoples, their uh, their minds off of, you know, healthcare, inequality, you know, my legacy of building the greatest plutocracy the, my world has every seen.”

    “Donny, Donny, don’t worry. I got this covered.”

    “That’s beautiful, I love it, I love it when you do that, that thing with your thumb, yes, flipping those pages like that.”

    “Donny, promise you won’t get mad?”

    “Stevie, I love you. I could never be, what’s that saying? Hold that, that thought, I need to tweet this.”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I seriously can’t see anyone taking the Dump seriously after this exposé, especially when Breitbart published Brannon’s “treasonous” quotes on their website. It led to a major implosion in the reader comments, from what I’ve read.

    As for biological evolution, I think we may actually be living in a period of advancement. The brains with larger anterior cingulate gyri (liberals) are in an evolutionary stage. Hopefully we will leave the brains with larger right amygdalae (conservatives) behind like the Neanderthals they are.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A few months ago, I put up a post called “Your Amygdala Is Showing” based on the same studies outlined in that link. It was a moment of gleeful but justified and inclusive arrogance. But although you and I may be experiencing an evolutionary renaissance of sorts, those with the well-endowed amygdalae still threaten to trample its potential with brute force.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m sorry you were in crisis and I’m glad it was averted. The only thing that keeps me sane most days is finding the humour in whatever shit is happening. Hence the need to keep a little Schadenfreude around.

    Liked by 1 person

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