Words [wurds] n.

blab

She jumped up outta the car.  Pulled her hair down her eye.  And do you know what she tol’ me?  Do you know what she try to tell me?  She said, “Woo ee ah ah!  Woo ee ah ah!  Woo ee ah ah!  Woo ee ah ah!  Woo woo eeeyaaaah!” – Hasil Adkins

Have you ever suddenly detached from the meaning of words while in the act of speaking?  Maybe you’re regaling a group of friends with some dead-air-filler of an anecdote when your attention abruptly shifts from the content of your story to the bizarre sounds disgorging from your kisser.  Why the hell am I making these noises?, you ask yourself through the application of the same exact noises being called into question.  Can’t I just shut up?  Do I really have to keep making these ludicrous sounds for the rest of my life?  At that moment, perhaps one of your friends interjects with a relevant anecdote of his own but to your ears, he might as well be saying, “Flibberdeegarnk schmiddlepog blop nizzly!”

Every time I post another of my online polemics, I am trusting that the reader will extract the intended meaning from my chosen arrangement of characters.  We all take this for granted.  Of course, someone who doesn’t speak English would experience the essay for what it really is: a display of symbolic characters that translate into audible speech patterns that may or may not cause the listener to think and visualize specific concepts or images. If, for whatever reason, they do not, then they are nothing more than an incomprehensible cacophony.

Incidentally, that might have made a more appropriate title for my blog page: Incomprehensible Cacophony.  I sure do talk a lot of shit, don’t I?  And I’ll continue to do so because it’s just the kind of animal I am – a noise making, key-tapping hairless ape.

But I’m here to announce a slight adjustment to the vibrations I will henceforth cause your ears to receive from your larynx as you utilize my blog to read your children to sleep at night. (That’s what everyone does, right?)  Spooky Action At A Distance shall henceforth cease and desist from the utilization of the following words that I have now officially beaten to a bloody pulp:

Ubiquitous
Anthropomorphic
Replete
Eschew
Untenable
Impotent
Proscription
Xenophobia
Schadenfreude
Pantheism

I will continue to overuse the words fuck, shit and douchebag as per usual.

In case you fear that the expulsion of those haughty appellations will render my pontification rather lifeless (note to self: add “Pontification” to above list of banned words), keep an eye out for the increased utilization of the following words on this page:

Phlegm
Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis
Cattywampus
Chumbawumba
Jesus Jones
Absquatulate
Cuttlefish

Like it or not, it’s time for a new direction, y’all.  I will endeavor to subject you to as few cattywampus linguistic juxtapositions as possible and maybe you can make some sense of it all.  Christ knows I can’t.

 

 

31 thoughts on “Words [wurds] n.

  1. Making sense is highly overrated.

    When I get my brain spinning too fast, reading tiny words across the web, I just come here and try and slog through your long words which forces my brain to grind into low gear. So, just as long as you substitute other egregiously lengthy words for those you’re banishing, I’ll be fine. (Although, I do like the word pontificate.)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Them wurds is hard to read. We could all do with a little word-trimming in our lives, I suppose, and it’s good to be reminded of that. However, if you don’t mind, I’d like to use “Blop Nizzly” as my rap name from now on.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. God damn, I need a new dictionary now.
    BTW, I love your shit. Your shit makes sense unlike lots of other shits which don’t.

    Having said this, I have a favor to ask. Are you ready for one more challenge? I was thinking of you today (are you melting already; because, if you aren’t, it’s about time you started). I was thinking about your posts, and our chats which come down to our opinions on a particular subject. We did get the chance to sneak a peek at your rebellions days, which we all loved. The thing is, it tickled me so now I want more. You asked for it.
    Anyway, something you told Mer caught my attention the other day. You said you hadn’t been wanted for some time and that you didn’t want to be wanted any more since it’s a pain. There’s nobody to nag you to be responsible, is that right? Now, you did go steady once, didn’t you?
    So, tell us Paul, what happened? Why is it easier to be you and you alone? Is there something you miss? Do you think you’re right or you’re just fooling yourself? All this provided I’m not asking too much. I took the liberty of being a nosy parker even if you turn me down. You did say once I could ask you anything, right?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You are correct that all questions are fair game, Bojana. And you’re not the only one of my readers who would like me to discuss that topic (curiously, all women — men don’t seem to give a shit why I’ve chosen to kick the dating and mating habit). So within the next week or so, I shall give the people what they want. Perhaps this will fill the gap as I re-read Brave New World for the purpose of responding to your earlier topic suggestion.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. I don’t really look at it as either temporary or permanent, since I can’t say who I might meet along the way and how I’ll feel about it if and when I do. But actively seeking out a romantic situation may just be something I’ll relegate to the trash heap of bad ideas on a permanent basis. I don’t actually think I’m as undateable as my frequent self-deprecating witticisms imply. The reality is that I’ve gotten very, very lazy. And I enjoy being lazy. Having absolutely nothing on one’s plate is very liberating.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. Ubiquitous. My wife convinced me to leave it out of one of my Pneumatic Steampunk Doorways. Nobody knows what it means, she said. Come to find out it’s become part of millennial “slanguage”. And you’re right. It’s way overused. I’ve heard it at least three times in at least as many days this week. Of course, I first wrote the Pneumatic Doorway in the early 80s. So, there’s that.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That makes you a trailblazer and a trendsetter, Pablo. While you were introducing the world to a versatile word they could add to their vocabularies, I was entertaining myself by going to the mall and putting Slinkies on the escalators.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Sir, this one actually had me laughing out loud. Your incomprehensible cacophony is the best around, and I would ask that you never change a thing … except you just did. And, in true curmudgeon style, I think your act of vocabularic evolution stays true to your path. How many people can say that every random act of vicissitude is truly just a progression of their own unfolding?

    Probably none, since that really makes no sense.

    But, dammit, I look forward to all the new words you present, in whatever manner you choose to present them. And if, at times, you backslide into schadenfreude here and there, I will hold no ill regard for your tergiversation. 😎

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Spectacular application of an equally impressive lexicon! I think I might have gotten a tad over-ambitious in the assumption that I could find ways to shoehorn the term amyotrophic lateral sclerosis into my posts. I don’t even think Lou Gherig could have pulled that off.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I think you should keep Shadenfreude. I mean, I don’t want to come off as all pontificate-y, but you should. Also, for some reason, you’re not showing up in my Reader and I have to keep looking for you. It’s an enjoyable quest, especially when I find posts like this:-)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think email alerts are supposed to be automatic, so that’s probably broken, too. Right now, I can only see other people’s posts in my Reader about every third time I try, otherwise it’s still completely blank, as if no one had posted anything in days.

        Liked by 1 person

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