The Fuck You Tongue

Have you ever had a scab that you know you shouldn’t pick at, but damn if the urge isn’t there to see the grossness underneath the healing?

It’ll leave scars, our elders told us, don’t do it, leave it alone or else, Miss Missy!

Well, my scab happens to be named Asshat and today, I couldn’t stop myself from ripping it clear off, revealing the worst of my nature.

I broke my no contact streak of almost 6 weeks or roundabouts.

As a matter of fact, I still am. (Nothing illegal, I still have a hold of my facilities, what’s left of them.)

I decided that I wasn’t able to just “let it go” like everyone keeps telling me. I want him to suffer, but I know that nothing I can do will get a response that will make any of this shit better. It’s as pointless as banging my head on the wall.

It’s just this intense rage has taken a hold of me and I can’t seem to repress it. I mean, I’ve never hated anyone like this before, ever. He hit me directly where it hurt and how can I just let him go, all zippy-dee-do-da after all that he’s done to try and destroy me? For all of the bullshit that he’s put my kid through over 15 years?

No. Not this time. This is too big of a betrayal.

He’s a sick twist, a perverted sociopath who once proclaimed that he “had my back” and that I was his soulmate, someone with whom he could not ever live without.

Everyone! Hailey Mills and the Fuck You Tongue!

Holy fuckballs and I believed him. If by chance someone says that to me again before my ashes are scattered at a favorite childhood park, how will I ever believe them?

I’m really a nice person, sweet, generous, kindhearted, just ask my friends and family…but yes, even meek and mild Mer can become a rabid dog ready to bite hard (and not in a good way) on his johnson.

I ain’t no twinkling, pure snowflake anymore, you piece of fuck.

Ah ha, this is the anger part of the grieving process and it feels like Icy Hot in my veins. If I wasn’t buttering his muffins, why not just tell me the damn truth?

Geez ass.

I was supposed to write here at Spooky blog today about the untimely return of my sex-drive, but that will have to wait until next time.

Here’s a question for you, Paul: How do I stop myself from trying to garner any kind of human reaction from Asshat?

And do you have some bail money?

44 thoughts on “The Fuck You Tongue

      1. Unfortunately (but this is not always the case) much of the blame we must lay at our own feet. We probably recognized the signs, but ignored them, (or hoped for the better angels and all that).
        How often do you think selfish people plan retribution? Seldom is my guess — they’ve already taken what they want from the world, revenge is for those who are too damn nice and honest to know better in the first place.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. And therein lies the seeds of redemption — brew your own selfish intents. Not to egregious levels, but high enough to know your value exceeds his own and you damn well deserve better. (And by god you’re gonna take it!)

        Liked by 1 person

  1. You don’t stop yourself from having human reactions, Mer. You have them. The great thing about being human is we get to do all sorts of humanly things like get pissed and then work through that anger with friends. You have a right to this emotion, and I applaud you your strength in displaying it.

    But don’t give up on love; don’t give up on the finer things of life. Not everyone who swears their heart is lying, just because one Asshat did.

    Sorry, I know that question was for Paul, but I thought I’d answer, too. I also have bail money. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‡

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I mess up, I write about it. It’s gotten me out of many a dark days. Blogging is part of my therapy. My hope someday is to become as whole of a person as I can be someday.
      Your words are welcome here, thank you. I doubt Paul minds. πŸ™‚
      Woohoo, bail money!

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Dearest Mer, I do hope you are finding some peace through your amazing blogging (writing). My heart hurts for you, and I understand the horrific act of betrayal you’re trying to absorb. Cuz, yeah, I’ve been there. Same song, different verse. The sweetest revenge is living your best life without him. Soar, shine, sing, share and love again. Love Mer as she deserves and one day you’ll be ready to love another man who is decent and worthy of your amazingness. We love you (and I don’t know you personally). I’d post up for some bail money too, but I’d rather spend my dough buying your first book! πŸ™‚

    Sending love from snowy Colorado. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hate that anyone has to feel this kind of pain and betrayal, but knowing that I’m not alone in this helps me.
      I love you all as well, so many wonderful people like yourself. πŸ™‚
      A book? I’ve thought about it many times…perhaps I’ll give it a go one day.
      Sending love back from frigid Ohio. ❀


  3. You need to do energy work. My prescription was (1) every time you think about what he said to you (same “I’ve got your back”) turn yourself in the direction of where you expect he probably is and say “You May Have That Back” imagining his intentions being boomeranged back at him (2) tai chi exercises Punching Out With Angry Eyes and The Ten Thousand Things (simple, just Google). It works.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I did the “You may have that back” and it honestly did help. I turned in his general direction, just like you said. I’ll give the other tips a try as well, thank you so much.


  4. Well, there’s always the option of tying him up so he can’t move and using a cheese grater on his toes. Of course you might hit a major artery before you get very far up his legs, but at least you’d have inflicted pain upon his person, right? Maybe this is an exercise best performed while wearing a hazmat suit, though. Blood is one of the more difficult stains to get out… πŸ˜‰

    I wonder if the whole voodoo doll thing came about as a result of this sort of anger? Wanting to really seriously hurt someone like they’ve hurt you, but knowing that actually they’re not worth the jail time, so you hurt something that represents them.

    And, like the lovely Jaded, I too laughed with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You and Jaded know we well…I gotta try and make everything somewhat funny or else I feel too exposed. It’s from childhood, I noticed that I was naturally humorous and that i could make people laugh instead of be cruel to me…well, that shit don’t always work.
      Now where would I find a real voodoo doll? Hmm. ❀


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