Fix

My daughter and I befriended our 25-year-old neighbor back in December. It seemed to be wonderful timing, since he’s a strong man and we’re now just two little weak girls living all by our lonesome. (This is sarcasm.)

And I won’t lie, I found him attractive at first. I might be old enough to be his mother, but I can still appreciate a handsome man. My 40’s are supposed to be my sexual prime and I had a couple of friends tease me a bit about it, plus I also hammed it up just for shits and giggles.

Those thoughts quickly vanished when my daughter and I came to see that this kid is on a road to self-destruction. His daily ambition is to get high and drunk. I’m not much of a drinker, but I do smoke marijuana. It was nice to have someone to smoke a bowl or joint with for a change, since my best friend quit some time ago.

I was in a fucked up daze for all of the month of December and most of January, so I let it slide when he’d get so drunk that he passed out on my couch. I’d wait a bit, then gently shake him awake and send him to his own condo. (Which belongs to his father, who lived there before him.)

He’s asked me to help him out with a pinch or two of weed because he smoked all of his up.

“How do you still have so much? I run out and you seem to stockpile it.”

I’m a lightweight even after partaking off and on for 9 years. (Don’t think that I don’t have any vices, because I do.)

It’s starting to seem like the only reason he contacts me now is because he wants to get something from me. He’s even asked me for money. I’m as fucking poor as a church mouse and he knows it.

Fuck that noise.

My brain is wired to “fix” people, but thanks to many differing factors, I’m coming to the stark realization that I can’t.

You cannot fucking fix people.

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But, all is not lost.

I’m finally on the road to re-wiring and “fixing” myself.

And because I’m starting to look for my truth in my own dark alleyways, I need to kindly as possible step away from my neighbor before he brings me down with him.

33 thoughts on “Fix

  1. The only person you can fix is yourself, I think. You can help other people in their fixing of themselves, but only if they’re actually going to do some work too.

    Distancing yourself from this lad sounds like the best way to help him as well as sorting yourself out.

    Love you, Merbs! Xxxx ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He’s not planning on it. He told me that. I can’t watch him destroy himself.
      Yes, it’s time for me to sort myself out. Took over 4 decades, but eh.
      And I love you too Lou. I was thinking last night, I’ve known you, ES…and a few other seasoned bloggers for 5 years now. Can you believe it? ❤️

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  2. I’m a giver. I’ve attracted takers into my life like parasites. Now I’m drained. Maybe I’ll blog about thatm but maybe it’s too personal. But, yeah, focus on yourself and back off to “altruistic charity.” And those sexual thoughts you had about a 25 year old? Okay. if the sexes were reversed, in this hash tag “me too” days…you can imagine the reaction. Although I still think we should hang out! LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m beyond drained.
      You’re right, if I were a man and had written about my attraction to a girl close to twenty years younger than myself, I’d be catching some heat for it.
      You probably live far away from Ohio LOL…thanks for making me blush a bit.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Be very, very careful, Mer. I don’t trust people on a whole but especially 25 year olds who don’t have their lives together to a fault. I mean, ok, some take longer than others, I get that. But!!! When they are addicts they can do some pretty awful stuff.

    We are so much alike though! Husband and I have befriended a 25 year old neighbor guy too. He’s the guy that mows our lawn and shovels for us. He’s an upright guy with a wife and son. Also, very good looking. 😉 But I got no sexual feelings for him, just like to talk to him as he’s smart and down to earth. A refreshing thing around here. lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My best friends brother was an addict and he died back in 2014. I know what addicts are capable of firsthand. He was a good man, just extremely sick and sadly, he lost his battle.
      That’s good, Jackie! Making new friends is always a good thing. ❤

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      1. Unfortunately, it’s not really the addict’s fault when they make bad decisions, it’s the addiction. But the fallout from those addictions can hurt innocents.
        You don’t know how much I need a good conversation. LOL Then again, maybe you do. ❤

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  4. Ever the contrarian, I don’t really have an opinion as to whether you should avoid the neighbor or not. However, there was a phrase you used that would improve your life enormously if you could avoid it from here on out: “My forties are supposed to be my sexual prime…”. Nothing is “supposed” to be anything. We feel we are supposed to do or be something (or not do or be something) due to outside signals — the opinions of others. When we make a lifetime habit of internalizing these outside signals, we no longer need them because we become our own internal task masters, constantly telling ourselves what we are and aren’t “supposed” to do. I give Mazmisc shit about this all the time. She’s big on beating herself up for neglecting things she was supposed to do. I then ask her who is it that’s doing all that supposing? Her? God? Society at large? Her Magic 8 Ball? I know this sounds like more nit-picky semantics, but it’s not. The overuse of such phrases literally changes our perception and causes us to believe that there is some Universal set of rules we are “supposed” to be following. There isn’t.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Are any of us fixable? Who is without severe internal lacerations may deny the world a band-aid.

    A big word of the 80’s was “co”. Fixers were said to all be “co”. I never took that to heart. To me a drop of kindness mixed with some stern conditioning and perhaps a bit of sage direction. “Sure we can hang out sometime, but do me one favor. Go apply to three jobs this week.”

    Of course, cutting an anchor loose is, in the end, the only way to stay afloat.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Codependency. Oh yeah, I’ve heard that one.
      I had a stern chat with him just about an hour ago…I told him that both myself and my daughter care about him, but if he wants to spend time with us, it needs to be alcohol and drug-free. He said that he understood. We’ll see. I think that I’ll be saying no to him quite often now.
      I don’t expect to be fixed…want I really want is some peace of mind and maybe some hope.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Agree with everybody. NO NO and NO.
    I was with a kiddo once a long time ago. God, what a weird experience. He thought it made him a great lover to be able to get a hard-on 20 times a day. Needless to say, he had no idea what to do with it. It was like rabbit fucking, in out in out…done.

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      1. From this perspective, yeah, I guess, back then it was tragic (for me, though great for him). That wasn’t even the best part. He would go earlier home to do his homework and had to pick up every time his mom called (sometimes in the middle of the action). On top of it, his buddies suggested they hide at the balcony so as to watch (and learn from an experienced woman).
        Do I need to repeat – NO!!!

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  7. Good for you. I’m still having my struggles. I’m having a lot to say lately, but keep keeping quiet, because I fear that I will piss off the masses. But now I am starting to think that I don’t care.

    Liked by 1 person

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