Have you ever had a scab that you know you shouldn’t pick at, but damn if the urge isn’t there to see the grossness underneath the healing?
It’ll leave scars, our elders told us, don’t do it, leave it alone or else, Miss Missy!
Well, my scab happens to be named Asshat and today, I couldn’t stop myself from ripping it clear off, revealing the worst of my nature.
I broke my no contact streak of almost 6 weeks or roundabouts.
As a matter of fact, I still am. (Nothing illegal, I still have a hold of my facilities, what’s left of them.)
I decided that I wasn’t able to just “let it go” like everyone keeps telling me. I want him to suffer, but I know that nothing I can do will get a response that will make any of this shit better. It’s as pointless as banging my head on the wall.
It’s just this intense rage has taken a hold of me and I can’t seem to repress it. I mean, I’ve never hated anyone like this before, ever. He hit me directly where it hurt and how can I just let him go, all zippy-dee-do-da after all that he’s done to try and destroy me? For all of the bullshit that he’s put my kid through over 15 years?
No. Not this time. This is too big of a betrayal.
He’s a sick twist, a perverted sociopath who once proclaimed that he “had my back” and that I was his soulmate, someone with whom he could not ever live without.
Holy fuckballs and I believed him. If by chance someone says that to me again before my ashes are scattered at a favorite childhood park, how will I ever believe them?
I’m really a nice person, sweet, generous, kindhearted, just ask my friends and family…but yes, even meek and mild Mer can become a rabid dog ready to bite hard (and not in a good way) on his johnson.
I ain’t no twinkling, pure snowflake anymore, you piece of fuck.
Ah ha, this is the anger part of the grieving process and it feels like Icy Hot in my veins. If I wasn’t buttering his muffins, why not just tell me the damn truth?
I was supposed to write here at Spooky blog today about the untimely return of my sex-drive, but that will have to wait until next time.
Here’s a question for you, Paul: How do I stop myself from trying to garner any kind of human reaction from Asshat?
And do you have some bail money?